Joe Wong at RTCA Dinner 2010 With Chinese Commentary
Good evening, everyone. My name is Joe Wong. But to most people, I am known as "Who?" 。但是对很多人来说，听到我的名字，会问“谁”?，Who恰恰是我妈的娘家姓，也是我信用卡安全问题的答案。
But joking aside, I just want to reassure everybody that I am invited here tonight.
I grew up in China. Who wouldn't?
As my childhood memories are totally ruined by my childhood. 读小学的时候，作为课程的一部分，我要去稻田里劳动，稻田的旁边是一个采石场，他们用炸药炸石头。也就是在那里，我知道了光的传播速度要比声音快，而声音的速度就和石头飞的速度差不多慢。
My dad was a grumpy guy, but occasionally he would tried to cheer me up with jokes. But he doesn't do it right. When I was seven, one day he said to me, "Hi, son, why is tofu better than centralized socialist economy?" 我想了五分钟，然后问他“为什么呢？”，他说“因为我说好就是好！”
I came to the United States when I was 24, to study at Rice University in Texas. 这不是个笑话，不过现在是了。
And I was driving that a used car with a lot of bumper stickers that are impossible to peel off. And one of them said, "If you don't speak English, go home!" ，贴的很牢，就根本不可能撕下来。其中一张写着“如果你不说英文，就滚回家去”。而我两年后才看到它。
And like many other immigrants, we wanted our son to become the president of this country. And we try to make him bilingual, you know, Chinese at home and English in the public. Which is really a tough to do, because many times I had to say to him in public, "Hi, listen, if you don't speak English, go home!"
And he was said to me, "Hi, Dad, Why do I have to learn two languages?" I said, "Son, once you become the president of the Unite States, you will have to sign legislative bills in English, and talk to debt collectors in Chinese!"
When I graduated from Rice, I decided to stay in the Unite States, because in China I can't do the thing I do best here, being ethnic.
What's the second Amendment? We were like, "Ahh.., the reason our convenient store gets robbed?"
What is Roe vs Wade? We were like, "Ahh& , two ways of coming to the Unite States?"
Later on, I read so much about American history that I started to harbor white guilt.
And in America, they say that all men are created equal, but after birth, it kind of depends on their parents' income for early education and healthcare.
I read in the Men's Health magazine that president Obama every week has two cardio days and 4 weight lifting days. You see, I don't have to exercise because I have health insurance.